Out of the mouths of babes…..
My 4 year old got some new shorts for her birthday last week. She’s a petite little thing so when we were trying them on her, her new 4T shorts slipped right off. I told her, “You are such a skinny little thing, we’ll have to wait for you to grow into these.” She responded, “I don’t want to be skinny.”
Of course, as a non-skinny person, I couldn’t leave her comment untouched.
“What do you mean, you don’t want to be skinny?”. “Well, mom, Kai (her “boyfriend” from daycare) says you are fat.” “I am fat. Abbie, I want you to stay skinny like you are, forever.” “I don’t want to stay skinny, mommy, I want to be like you.”
First feeling — So this is what completely unconditional love feels like!
Second feeling — I need to get my crap together and improve my health so my daughter has a worthy role model!
2 comments June 9, 2011
Too Stressed to “Be Still”
Snooping thru my own Facebook “boxes” I stumbled across a link I posted for my first blog. It was this time of year – right before Thanksgiving 2010. I read it and the other blogs. It was immediately apparent (to me anyway) that this time last year I was in a good place. Putting other’s needs before mine, recognizing many taken -for-granted blessings, enjoying my relationship with Clay, and feeling content, I was aware of God’s hand upon my life. My last blog on New Year’s Day was a reminder to “Be Still and Know That I am God – Psalm 46:10″.
I sit in front of my computer today wondering, “What happened!” What a crazy year (and it is not over yet)!
Teenage kids. Immature choices. ER visits. Disappointment. Court appearances. Family vacations. Job change. Job loss. Fear. Start up business. Lifestyle adjustments. Surgery. Bills. Sleepless nights. Family disagreements. Discouragement. Obligations. Blown budgets. Holidays coming. Stress.
What happened to my contentment? Where did my sense of peace go? Where is God? Why does it feel like the waves are closing in over my head?
Matthew 14: 25-31
Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
Last year, I , too, walked on water…figuratively. I accepted Jesus’ invitation and followed Him and had peace. At some point, I took my focus off Him and saw the wind – the daily concerns, the struggles, the problems – became afraid and let them overwhelm me and pull me under. I never meant for this to happen. Indeed, if asked, I probably wouldn’t have recognized what was happening. In the midst of a fight, I didn’t stop to contemplate the whys and hows. I jumped immediately in to conquer. No calling for backup or for leadership!
Today I took some time off. I took some time to reflect over the last year and found God again. Not that He was hiding or ever left me. I left Him. Not completely left Him…I left Him out. When faced with issues, I looked to myself instead of to Him. I’m not suggesting that Jesus would have manifested in my kitchen to miraculously make dinner when I was working late by any means (as cool as that would be –unless he served manna!) It’s just that I sometimes (many times) make decisions that discount the God factor…the wisdom of God’s word. I don’t throw my problems at God’s wall to see what sticks and what crumbles away. I keep it all and worry over it all…my own little bucket of worries…gets heavier everyday as I add to it!
That’s got to change! I am going to try something old but new…I am going to try to answer the question, “How would Jesus handle it?” when faced with problems… If nothing else, it will cause me to slow down and put a Godly perspective on things. So I can focus on the important things …not the little noisy things that pester. Once I learn to do that, then I can flip over my empty worry bucket, sit on it, and be still.
Add a comment November 23, 2010
A Quickie
Today is January 1, 2010. It’s 10 AM and still (more or less) quiet in the house. I am listening to myself think and have come to a few realizations.
1) All the concerns over the holidays being perfect (or close), all the worrying about where we’d put the tree (indeed, whether or not there would even be a tree), the anxiety over how we would juggle Howie’s birthday with a New Year’s Eve teen event were just brain noise. Looking back, they were a complete waste of energy brought about by my desire to be in control. As I sit amonst the dissheveled Christmas tree, and the displaced furniture, and the aftermath of last night’s bon fire, I am aware and thankful that God is in control and I really need to REST in that knowledge. Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10 Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 I know these truths! Why do I have such a hard time letting God be GOD?
2) I am content. Right now, there is nothing that I need that I don’t already possess. In fact, there’s nothing else that I even want right now. Yes, there is laundry that needs to be done and I’m sure there are dishes in the sink but they are unimportant at this moment. When I’ve had this same thought in the past, I called myself lazy and then felt guilty. Luke 10:38-42 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself ? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” I am having a Mary moment. Martha can wait! Is Jesus telling me that it’s ok to have a messy house??? Sounds like a working mom’s dream!
3) I started my day slowly today. Woke up, said good morning to the Lord, greeted my husband, went back to bed, woke up again, read today’s entry in my daily bible, took some notes…and now I sit contemplating God’s truths at work in my life. I want everyday to be like today. I feel happy. No, better than that, I feel very loved and close to God. This is joy! Jude 24-25 To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy– to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.
1 comment January 1, 2010
Observances of Last Weekend
A few months ago I found out that I had until the end of the year to do a bit of travel or else I would lose the chance (and a little money). So I planned 2 short trips to Sedona. The first was taken in October with just myself and the kids as hubby didn’t have any vacation time to spare. Fun trip and beautiful scenery but I was still “THE MOM” with all the concerns and drudgery that the role entails. The second trip was taken this past weekend. The hubster and I, sans children, threw together a couple of suitcases and hopped in the car Friday after work and made our way to the Red Rocks.
We traveled with no real agenda or the foggiest idea as to the whereabouts of the resort. We stopped for a quick dinner at a Denny’s and joked about how “not-so-quick” the service was. We finally got to our unit around 11 pm, did the compulsory tour of the facilities, checked the television for anything worth staying up for, and, finding nothing, decided to call it a night.
The rest of the weekend was made up of us doing whatever we wanted, when we wanted, if we wanted, and how we wanted. We took a few little drives to nowhere in particular. On one such drive we happened upon a winery and stopped in for a tasting – a first time experience for both of us. On another we checked out some residences for sale and quickly realized that we can’t afford Sedona…but maybe Cottonwood…maybe…someday.
The weather was damp and cold and beautiful to me. Hubby’s not too keen on cold, wet weather. Still it was fun getting rained on as we browsed the galleries and checked out all the shops. We enjoyed strolling thru Tlaquepaque in the drizzling rain with cups of hot cider keeping our hands warm while we window shopped in the midst of 6000 luminarias. Later that night the steam from the jacuzzi swirled while the drizzle continued and the pool water was warmer than the cold night air, too. Back in the room a night cap and a quick round of channel surfing before the lights went out.
Sunday found us sleeping late and packing up for the drive home. As we made our way southward singing to whatever was on the radio, I was anxious to get home to see the kids but sad at the same time to see the weekend come to a close.
I realized that when you take away the kids, the house, the bills, the work, and the obligations, two stressed out, prone to bicker, adults are freed to rediscover that they still enjoy each other’s company and can have fun and feel young again. This bodes well for the day that our nest becomes empty. Until then, I am going to make it a point to plan more kid-less fun!
Add a comment December 16, 2009
The Odyssey
The Odyssey
It sounded simple enough… He wasn’t challenging us to a total fast… just 3 days eating rice and beans and drinking only water. It was a chance to symbolically become one with the millions of people who eat like that every day. Since we were to carry out this feat on the 3 days leading up to Thanksgiving, it would have the added benefit of making us REALLY thankful for the feast on Thursday.
I bought my aluminum cup, fashioned by an artisan from India, and went to the store to stock up on flavored rice side dishes and beans. The following Sunday night, I made some red beans and rice (from a box) and also cooked up some pinto beans that I found in the pantry. I cheated a little there, I think, as I added some onion and stewed tomatoes to make them more palatable. Not really sure, though, because even the poor must have some spices… right?
Monday: One heaping cup of red beans and rice for breakfast. Not too bad. I can do this. My associates were having a potluck but I just avoided all of their delicacies. By lunch I was feeling a little bloated but managed to eat all of the homemade from scratch pinto beans that I had packed with a dollop of some spicy salsa. Then, feeling a bit sluggish on top of my bloat, I went for a little walk. On my drive home from work, my husband called me to see what I would be making for his dinner. He didn’t want to participate in the challenge, you see. I reminded him that I would be having beans and rice and suggested that he order a pizza. He then asks how many I think he should buy and asks if I will be having any. Apparently he has a short term memory disorder so I reiterate that I will not be eating pizza as I will be having beans and rice. His reply?? “Oh, you know you’ll eat some.” Once at home, I pile up a bunch of beans and rice in my bowl with a cup of ice cold water and try to look like I’m enjoying it while my family eats pizza. I do manage not to succumb to their meal and I take another walk but my tummy is really full and I am not feeling very good. I check out Central’s twittered encouragement to the participants and feel a tad ashamed that I hadn’t been praying for the hungry. I’d been praying for myself and my discomfort.
Tuesday: Woke up with the feeling of a large rock in my gut and broke my fast with only eat a few small bites of rice and very few beans. I put my lunch together and head off for work. Since I still felt uncomfortably bloated, I ate only half of my lunch. My stomach was growling on my way home so I begin to think about this challenge and how I now recognize that while I only have to tough it out for 3 days, there are those who eat beans and rice day in and day out. I was making a choice to participate in this challenge where they have no choice in the matter if they want to avoid starvation. Choices… choices… I have so many to make every day: to go to work or stay home, to eat now or later, to eat a bowlful or a spoonful, to close the window or leave it open, to turn on the heat or pull out an extra blanket, to wear these pants or that skirt, to put ice in my bottled water or drink rodeo cool, clean tap water… That was a very insightful drive home with God reminding me of how truly blessed we are in this country and with God reminding me of the true lesson behind the challenge.
Wednesday: The last day. Hungry and tired of my home cooked beans and rice, I walk to a nearby Mexican food joint for lunch and order delicious rice and refried beans, completely aware that this isn’t a choice that the hungry really have. But, I haven’t broken any of the “rules”… it’s still rice and beans. That evening as I lay in bed with my tummy growling, I knew that I had made it! I knew that I would be able to eat a traditional Thanksgiving meal with my family with a new empathy for those who are less fortunate than I and I lift them up in my prayers.
My Thanksgiving meal was good and I ate way too much! I shared some of the previous 3 days insights to my extended family. None of whom seemed to “get it”. Indeed, they even told me I was crazy. Of course, the ways of God are foolishness to those who don’t know Him. I know though, that God spoke to me through this experience and I definitely learned through it. I pray that my sharing at the dinner table planted a mustard seed in the heart of one of my loved ones.
I was convicted by how little I thought of the oppressed, the sick, the hungry. A question still haunts my mind: What am I prepared to do to help them?
Add a comment November 29, 2009
My New Shoes
I went shopping yesterday and bought a great pair of shoes. Nothing fancy just great fur lined flip flops with a zebra print. I KNEW I had to have them the minute I saw them. They did not disappoint! My tootsies were very happy in their new shelter!
This morning I slipped them on with my comfy jeans and headed off to church. Fifty-five degrees was a little chilly. I don’t generally wear flip flops in November. In fact, I haven’t owned a pair of flips flops in a very long time. I can’t remember the last pair I owned. Still no worries… chilly or not, I have cute new shoes.
Quite a convicting message today about giving generously over & above the tithe. I was feeling pretty good…I participate in canned food drives, gave a bunch of pennies to the United Way last week, filled a stocking for a Marine, and a shoe box for a child in Africa. I’m pretty generous — tither or not. So now we come to the end of the message where Pastor Cal gives the life application challenge… How many would give the shirts off their back if asked? Obviously not many — not really practical or modest. How ’bout giving the shoes off your feet?
This is where the internal dialogue starts: What? Wait! These shoes? My new cool shoes — just bought yesterday????
Apparently there are a lot of under privileged and homeless folk who could use a new pair (new to them anyway) of tennis shoes. Oh good, they’re not looking for flip flops.
I guess there’s also many women who can’t land a decent job because they don’t have appropriate footwear to wear to an interview. Well, thank goodness, you shouldn’t wear flip flops to an interview!
But wait… any shoes will do? Certainly not THESE things! They’re just silly flip flops! They hardly even count as “real” shoes… my feet are freezing in them!
So I make a quick deal with God, I’ll walk down front to give my regular offering. If I see any flip flops in the growing pile of shoes there on the stage, I will leave mine.
So far, so good… no flip flops. Tennis shoes, cowboy boots, fancy pumps, plain flats…and a worn pair of hot pink flip flops.
I really tried to justify NOT leaving them. I wanted to keep them. They were mine…I loved them…
and it was THAT VERY FACT that convinced me that they had to go! At that moment, I loved them more than I loved God’s children!
Lots of barefoot people leaving church today! Thank you, Lord, for the lesson.
To see some pictures of this outpouring go to http://bit.ly/43UUo2.
1 comment November 17, 2009
