Too Stressed to “Be Still”

November 23, 2010 Cindy

Snooping thru my own Facebook “boxes” I stumbled across a link I posted for my first blog.  It was this time of year – right before Thanksgiving 2010.  I read it and the other blogs.  It was immediately apparent (to me anyway) that this time last year I was in a good place.  Putting other’s needs before mine, recognizing many taken -for-granted blessings, enjoying my relationship with Clay, and feeling content, I was aware of God’s hand upon my life.  My last blog on New Year’s Day was a reminder to “Be Still and Know That I am God – Psalm 46:10″. 

 I sit in front of my computer today wondering, “What happened!”   What a crazy year (and it is not over yet)!

Teenage kids.  Immature choices.   ER visits. Disappointment.  Court appearances.   Family vacations.  Job change.   Job loss.   Fear.   Start up business.  Lifestyle adjustments.  Surgery.  Bills.  Sleepless nights.  Family disagreements.  Discouragement.  Obligations.   Blown budgets.  Holidays coming.   Stress.  

What happened to my contentment?  Where did my sense of peace go?  Where is God?  Why does it feel like the waves are closing in over my head?    

Matthew 14: 25-31

Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.  When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.   But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”   “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he said.    Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.    But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”   Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

Last year, I , too, walked on water…figuratively.  I accepted Jesus’ invitation and followed Him and had peace.  At some point,  I took my focus off Him and saw the wind – the daily concerns, the struggles, the problems – became afraid and let them overwhelm me and pull me under.   I never meant for this to happen.  Indeed, if asked, I probably wouldn’t have recognized what was happening. In the midst of a fight, I didn’t stop to contemplate the whys and hows.  I jumped immediately in to conquer.  No calling for backup or for leadership!  

Today I took some time off.   I took some time to reflect over the last year and found God again.  Not that He was hiding or ever left me.  I left Him.  Not completely left Him…I left Him out.  When faced with issues, I looked to myself instead of to Him.   I’m not suggesting that  Jesus would have manifested in my kitchen to miraculously make dinner when I was working late by any means (as cool as that would be –unless he served manna!)  It’s just that I sometimes (many times) make decisions that discount the God factor…the wisdom of God’s word.   I don’t throw my problems at God’s wall to see what sticks and what crumbles away.  I keep it all and worry over it all…my own little bucket of worries…gets heavier everyday as I add to it! 

That’s got to change!   I am going to try something old but new…I am going to try to answer the question, “How would Jesus handle it?” when faced with problems… If nothing else, it will cause me to slow down and put a Godly perspective on things.  So I can focus on the important things …not the little noisy things that pester.  Once I learn to do that, then I can flip over my empty worry bucket, sit on it, and be still.

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